Truth #9: Living in an apartment complex

Living in an apartment complex is always a strange experience. In some ways you feel connected and bonded to the other tenants just because of the complex itself, but in other ways it always just seems awkward and weird when you have interactions with them.

The awkwardness comes in the fact that you actually don't know these people, but you feel like you should (?) just because they live in the complex too. I always get this feeling like I should have a comraderie with the other people living there, but that comraderie always seems to be one-sided in some ways.

I imagine such a comaraderie of apartment complex neighbors to be similar to Tim Allen's relationship with Wilson in Home Improvement. In this relationship, we would all talk to each other on the balcony of the complex at set times each day. We will wave at each other, and even invite each other over for dinners, and discuss the issues that we are having at work, with our kids (I don't have any though), and with our marriage.

But for some reason, sadly, this has not happened for us. All that we get (and give) are awkward hellos and slight head nods of approval.

There are at least 18 units in our building, and out of those 18 we have probably only seen about five or 6 couples/people enter and exit from the same 6 units each day. Sometimes I wonder why no one else comes outside to protest the bar when they play loud music and have bar fights outside late at night. Maybe we haven't lived there long enough yet to be apathetic. So, in essence, if I walked past one of my neighbors on the street, I probably would not recognize the fact that we live in the same complex. Which is sad . . .

I told my mom about this issue and she said that we need to put ourselves out there, and get out of our comfort zone! Invite people over! But, unfortunately, for two introverts this is not as easy as it seems.

Maybe the thing that keeps people away is the associations that they have with the former renter of the unit that we live in. He left behind several "presents" for us, that we have yet to understand the meaning of. For instance, we have a blue light outside of our apartment (I don't like to turn it on in case someone thinks we are doing a drug deal), a weird massaging shower head (that was pretty much broken), a burn mark in the middle of our kitchen counter (that Braden covers with a mug), and a subscription to the clothing magazine for Tween girls, Justice . . .

Sometimes I like to imagine this person that used to live in our apartment. Upon moving in we were told that he was . . . eccentric.

Truth #8: Love and Marriage

I would be doing a dis-service to this blog that claims to talk about the truth about marriage if I did not write a post that talked about how great marriage is. I know that I have complained about the Bar, the cable, the fire, the wifely responsibilities, and the chores, but that is not all of what marriage is about.

The truth of the matter is that the best thing about marriage is that I get to hang out with my best friend every day. I can be completely myself with him.We can be open and honest about everything. And the best part is that no matter what anxieties, insecurities, and doubts that I have, he is always there to help me through them and he loves me unconditionally for it.

Here recently I have been saying to Braden, “Don’t you get it? I’m crazy about you!”

The reason that I love him so much is because he is his own person. I love Braden because he has his own sense of style, he is artsy, and even though he won’t admit it, he’s a bit of a hipster.

Sometimes I think that he may be a little too cool for me . . . but then his nerdy side comes out.

I love Braden because sometimes he is a little nerdy in his interests, hobbies, and knowledge of weird facts, but I love the depth of his personality, and that is what makes him so unique. I love Braden because he is not ashamed of who he is and what he likes.

He is his own person, and I don’t think that as many people are as comfortable being who they are as he is. I feel like I live for the weekends because I know that Braden will be off work and I can spend two whole days with just him, being him. This is why I dread Mondays . . .

I don’t know why he feels like he needs to go to work : ) but whenever I’m apart from him I don’t feel like I’m complete. I only feel like half a person, and like something is missing within my soul!

I know I am being sappy and ridiculous, but that’s just how much I love him.

I will never regret my decision to be married to him for Time and all Eternity. I just want to take advantage of every moment we have together to acknowledge the power of our love for each other, but he reminds me that we have eternity to do so . . .

 But sometimes I feel like eternity isn’t even enough time for me to fully understand the way that I feel for him : )

Truth #7: Dividing the Household Chores

Braden and I have never been the tidiest people . . .

When we were dating, Braden's car was so unkempt that I would find myself sitting on top of clothes, old soda cups, plates, books, you name it (still has not changed . . .). And my room was so junky that you could barely get the door open, and piles and piles of clothes made it look like my closet threw up! 

I thought with marriage that we would get better . . . but I also remember hearing that if you didn't make it a habit before marriage that a wedding is not going to instantly change you into clean freaks over night. 

The reason I thought that we would be better is because usually when I have a room roommate I am pretty good at tiding up my space and keeping things clean so that they don't get upset. But, I had also forgotten that these room roommates were girls, and girls seem to care a little bit more about things being out of place than I have found that boys do, causing our apartment to look like a war zone weekly.

I remember hearing that when you get married and actually start living with your spouse that there may be some things that they do that aren't similar to the way that you would do things. Or, they have habits that you were not aware of before . . . This has been the case with us. 

Upon first living together, Braden and I had some differences about the toilet seat--up or down. Also, I may have a tendency to drink a lot of juice and to leave the cups around in various places throughout the house. Even before marriage I established that "boys take out the trash!" and here lately I've been asked what my duty should be (I'm now the laundry person to compromise). 

I remember hearing that you need to train your husband to do things (which is ridiculous! he is not a dog) like putting the toilet seat down, but upon following this advice I have become a NAG. And my mother laughed when I told her what I'd become! It is not my life ambition to be a NAG. And so, I should probably just get the book, the Man Whisperer to figure out how to get things done around the house (that book is as equally disgraceful and ridiculous as the notion of training a husband!) 

Truth #6: Date Night

When Braden and I were dating, we started a tradition to have pizza every Friday night followed by an activity of some sort. Now that we are married, we have decided to carry on this tradition, so this Friday was no different. Well sort of . . .

You see, this past Friday was a little different than we are used to. During this past week, we have been in constant contact with my brother and UPS because he sent me a wedding/birthday gift via one day shipping on Amazon that we have yet to receive.

Friday was the final straw, and after calling UPS we were told that the driver who delivered our package on Thursday would come by to retrace his steps and talk to us about where the package might have gone. We were told that he would come between 4:30 and 6:30, and I had to go and get Braden from work at 4, then we wanted to go get some pizza.

We got home and the UPS guy arrived shortly after and assured us that he had left the package right on our doorstep and that someone must have stolen it (we had asked our neighbors if they had kept it for us in their house, and no one had).

GREAT!

Of course my thoughts immediately rushed to the sketchy Bar that we live behind and the people who may frequent it . . . How could this night get any worse?

After going to pizza and Barnes and Noble, we came back home. While I was in the bathroom, prepping for that night's activity, I heard someone bang on our apartment door like it was the cops! Two seconds later, Braden was telling me to come out of the bathroom because we had to evacuate the building.

Low and behold, it was the cops at our door because one of the apartments on our level was in fact, ON FIRE! the fire department closed off the street and the whole complex was evacuated. We waited across the street for 45 minutes to get back in. The night was ruined after that . . .

But one good thing came out of it. At least we didn't have to hear the Friday night karaokee blasting from the bar this week because of the sirens and commotion.

So, date nights as a married person are pretty much the same as dating, but with tons more excitement!

Truth #5: Call Comcast to your house to set up the cable

Just because your cable is free and they give you a starter kit does not mean that it comes with instructions on the proper way to install it.

Yesterday I was given the task by husband to try to install the cable and to get the cable box "activated." I went and pulled out all of the items in the starter kit, but saw no directions at all as to how to install it. So, I did what anyone else would do (not really), I improvised and just started sticking random cords into the tv and the box. How hard could it be?

Apparently there are two different ways to activate a cable box: one way is to go online and to complete the process virtually and the other is to actually pick up a phone and call a number to speak with a representative.

As a child of the digital age, of course I went with option one, and  this option would save me from speaking on the phone to another human being. You see, Braden  and I both Hate Hate Hate talking to people on the the phone (we'll see how this works out for us . . . )

After several attempts of activating the box, and getting kicked out of the comcast page on several occasions because I had been "inactive" on it for 45 minutes or more (I got bored waiting for this thing!) I gave up and decided that this was a job for husband.

When Braden got home, same thing occurred, only this time he plugged all the cords in to what he tells me were the right places . . . After checking that everything is plugged in securely about 4 times, I tell Braden to call the comcast office. I of course know that he is dreading this, the act of calling a person on the phone, but I would rather he do it instead of me.

After a back and forth-- "no, you call it" "no, you call,"--we are still cable-less for now . . .

Truth #4: Furnishing an Unfurnished Apt.

I think that some people freak out about living in an unfurnished apartment after getting married because they don't want to be bothered with getting all of the stuff. But in all truthfulness, it is not that bad.

The way to furnish an unfurnished apartment in Provo is simple. Drive around the city and look for free discarded items lying on the street! There are tons of married couples in Provo constantly moving away to bigger and better things. In their frantic need to move, they freak out and just throw perfectly good items on the curb.

At first I toyed with the idea of getting free things, but I finally decided to go all out one Saturday in July. I asked my friend to help me find furniture for our apartment by driving around Provo to look at the various garage sales that were happening. But that morning, on my walk home from the Provo bakery, I discovered a couch sitting on the corner with a sign saying 'FREE' taped to the front of it!

I quickly sat down in it to stake my claim and called my friend up to come and help me move it. I was of course hoping that her husband would come to help us move the couch, but he had to work, so there we were two marginally weak girls lifting a love seat down the one block stretch to my house and taking about four breaks to get it there.

After that impressive find, I could not stop. I did not want to spend money on couches! while driving to another yard sale we found the cutest couch lying in the road. In fact, it was so cute that we still are not sure whether or not it was free or if we might have stolen a couch . . .

Now, I know that you are thinking about sanitation with all this free stuff. I too was sufficiently scared when I went home over the summer and the bishopbric in my mom's ward talked about the bed bug infestation in the ward. We also found a free mattress and people think that is weird too . . . But for everyone's info they have now been deep cleaned and I still have yet to sit on the couches . . . But hopefully they are ok and we don't catch a fungus from them.

Truth #3: Don't live behind a Bar . . .

I think that the apartment hunt in Provo for an engaged couple was best described to me by a girl in my master's program. She told me that in the summer before she got married she would be on KSL "every moment of every day" "bidding" on items such as apartments, furniture, washers and dryers.

The search for married housing in Provo became addictive to her, trying to out smart, out call, out wit the other hundred couples in Provo getting married on practically the same day.

Of course, upon hearing this story, I thought her a little crazy . . . Surely searching for married housing would be a breeze, but somewhere around the end of June, desperation set in.

We needed an apartment. We Needed it NOW. And we needed it CHEAP. Even though we were getting married in August.

The married apartment search in Provo is brutal! I soon found myself camped out on KSL, refreshing the page for housing every 5 minutes (no joke) and getting Braden to call up apartments before any other couple could.

In fact in the place we are currently living, Braden called up the property manager about 5 minutes after she listed the post on KSL. She was a bit startled to say the least . . . But in that moment, I knew that it was meant to be for us to live in this no-named apartment complex right behind a Bar!

Upon being shown the quite spacious, two bedroom apartment with hookups in the bathroom for washer/dryer, and a Lazy Susan in the kitchen (which was the top selling point for the girl showing us the apt.), we knew that this was the place.

Forget the fact that it is about a 40 minute walk from campus for me, and that a lot of bums and other sketchy people live around the place! The inside of the complex is great. In fact, in our excitement to sign the contract, we failed to notice that directly on the other side of the fence is a Bar! We did not come to the realization until Braden had been moved in for about a week. This is when we began to think that it could potentially be a problem.

At any hour of the day, 80s power ballads can be heard blasting from the always open back door of the bar. The lovely sound of clinking glasses can be heard at all hours being thrown into the dumpster. And on Friday nights from 9 to 1am Karaokee featuring 80s ballads can be heard all night long. It is like a free concert! Saturday nights are wet T-shirt contests and mainly older people attend this place . . . I have been hit on by several old people while walking down the street and one of the ladies who works there told me I have a cute butt  . . . Kind of creepy in general.

We like our apartment, but we will see how long we can last with the BAR . . .

Truth #2: Taking on Wifely Responsibilities

We have now been married for a little over a week and a half. The wedding was great because it was a day of pampering, and the honeymoon was great because we decided to gain 5 pounds eating unhealthy food every day and night until we exploded.

All in all, the wedding week and the one following that were relaxing and will probably be the most relaxing time of my life until school starts up again and it will be back to 8 months of agony. To add on to this agony, it was brought to my attention by one of my friends that I would have to now take on some "wifely responsibilities" as well . . . 

This conversation took place during a trip to Target to purchase a table for our unfurnished apartment. And I quickly discovered that my husband believes that I will not take on the "wifely role" in the marriage, but he will be the main one cleaning the house and cooking the meals . . . 

Highly offensive? YES. 

It is true that while we were dating, I may or may not have mentioned the fact that I do not plan on being a servant to my husband waiting on him constantly. I may have also mentioned the fact that while I would like to have children one day, I would also like to have a career too only staying at home to work at home. I may have also mentioned that I hate doing the dishes . . . 

But he might have taken all of these things to the extreme. In fact, I might have taken to the extreme on my mentioning of these things as well which would lead us to this point where he believes that I cannot take on wifely roles! 

While it is good that I have prepared him so well for the expectations he should have of me as a wife, I also found it slightly hurtful that he thinks that I am opposed to helping in the house at all! 

Let me get one thing straight: I am not against the traditional roles of a wife and I respect women who hold to them. I am excited to be a wife and to help my husband in anyway that I can, but come on! I can't believe he thinks me this heartless! 

Truth # 1: The age of 24 is both too young and too old for marriage

In 18 days at the tender age of 23, I will be getting married.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not one who likes to rush in to things. In fact, I had my whole life planned out. I would get married at the age of 26 after dating three men in one year. The third would be the love of my life, but of course things did not turn out that way.

Where I am currently living, people get married young all of the time. They get married at the age of 18 at the earliest, so getting married at the age of almost 24 (I will be 24 like 23 days after I get married!) is in fact pushing the over the hill category.  If it was up to Braden though, we would have been married at 22.

But a monkey wrench got thrown into that plan when he called my mother and asked: Can I marry your daughter?

And after shrieking in disbelief for a few minutes she answered: you’re too young.

That was a little over a year ago, and I just graduated from college with a BA in English, and a dinky internship/research job on the side. He worked at a ski resort part-time while still going to UVU for graphic design.

So, in essence, we were too young because we didn’t have any money and we didn’t have “careers.” But here we are a year later, engaged, still career-less and getting married . . .

In church they say don’t let money be a reason for you to not get married because the Lord will work out a plan for those who are faithful to his commandments to make it through.

My mother was reminded of this, but she was also reminded of our age.

Apparently Braden tells me that the national average for people to get married in the U.S. is 26, and my friend Jenna tells me that about 3% of women don’t get married ever while a majority of men do.

But about 5 months ago at church, the bishop’s wife told the relief society that we shouldn’t worry about getting married so young, but to find ourselves first. In that instant, a defiant young woman challenged: Men can wait all they want, but our EGGS will dry up soon . . . (yes, I know, weirdest comment to make in church in the world . . . )

So, needless to say, the truth is that getting married at the age of 24 is too young if you don’t have monies and too old because you’ll shrivel up. Well, here’s lookin’ up!